80% of all new year resolutions are dead and buried latest by January 21st, research has shown. The reason is that many people set unrealistic goals. This year I have decided to focus 100% on resolutions that are completely realistic and achievable.
- Exercise more: train the heart muscle by being more nervous.
- Train other mussels during scuba diving.
- Protect the environment by driving less – stop traveling from “A to B” constantly. What’s so special about B anyway?
- Knowledge is Power. The importance of education cannot be underestimated! Make sure that no one gets smarter than me, so kill any training requests by colleagues, employees and family members in the bud.
- Buy a fur coat for showing off in the city center.
- Take up nail biting.
- Invest in the future! E.g. by selling pets for animal experiments.
- Sell the dog for animal experiments.
- Drink less – definitely!!! Need to reduce water intake, focus on beer instead.
- Gain weight.
- Take revenge on mother for terrible childhood. Revenge is a dish best served cold; meaning that it is better not to act in the heat of the moment, but to let the matter rest (if not ripen) for a while, and then strike and reap the fruits of one’s patience. Apparently a Sicilian saying, although I mostly associate it with Fu Man Chu.
So, that’s done. Meet you end of January.
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