My aunt Denise and her conversations from the edge.

My aunt Denise: “Listen. Listen! Something absolutely weird happened to me! Oh wait. That wasn’t me… it happened to somebody else.”

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How much did you pay for that kitchen machine?

About a hundred bucks.

A hundred bucks?! You can buy a vacuum cleaner for a hundred bucks!

Yeah, but we didn’t need a vacuum cleaner. Besides it comes with a lot of extra stuff, funnels and beakers and so on.

What do you need those for if you vacuum the house?

Well uh….yes

*********

My dog keeps on having sex with my knees.

**********

My husband, your uncle, was so mad at me, he locked himself in the upstairs bathroom for an entire week.

Really?! What did he eat?

Toothpaste I guess.

At least he had enough to drink.

Ah yes. I turned off the mains, and then he had to come out.

Why was he mad at you?

I forgot.

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