My aunt Denise and her conversations from the edge.

As my cousin John used to say: It is not that our aunt Denise is mad. It’s just that her tongue is connected differently to her brain than with ordinary people. Alas, cousin John is no longer with us – whereas aunt Denise continues to thrive.

Here some of her gems.

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My aunt Denise: “Listen. Listen! Something absolutely weird happened to me! Oh wait. That wasn’t me… it happened to somebody else.”

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How much did you pay for that mixer?

About a hundred bucks.

A hundred bucks?! You can buy a vacuum cleaner for a hundred bucks!

Yeah, but we didn’t need a vacuum cleaner. Besides the mixer came with a lot of extra stuff, funnels and beakers and so on.

What do you need those for if you vacuum the house?

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The dog kept on having sex with my knee.

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My husband, your uncle, was so mad at me, he locked himself in the upstairs bathroom for an entire week.

Really?! How did he survive?

He ate the toothpaste.

At least he had enough to drink.

I turned off the mains, and that made him come out.

Why was he mad at you?

I forgot.

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