After a full week of work, Saturdays are best spent drinking coffee and watching people walk by. A thoroughly exhausting yet highly rewarding activity.
I’ve become a bit of a pro at this. I know most of the coffee houses in a 20 mile radius and I must spend hundreds of hours a year sipping the black poisonous liquid, accompanied by a sandwich or a piece of cake. I happen to be a teetolar and thus look for rewards elsewhere.
Spending some quality time at one of my favorite bistros “Fromagerie La Flamme, ” in Frankfurt, Germany. Inspirational: the proprietor has put up a stand with shopping bags, which to me look like very crude straw products, but I swear: in the last 30 minutes at least 30 women have picked up these bags and one went ahead and bought two! Fellas, if you are are looking for a spouse: put a chair with a couple of straw shopping bags in front of your apartment – all you have to do is wait and hey presto: within minutes you’ll have a marriage candidate. It’s more effective than one of these so-called “internet dating platforms.”
As my cousin John used to say: It is not that aunt Denise is mad. It’s just that her tongue is connected differently to her brain than with ordinary people. Alas, cousin John is no longer with us – whereas aunt Denise continues to thrive.
Here some of her gems.
My aunt Denise: “Listen. Listen! Something absolutely weird happened to me!
… Oh wait. That wasn’t me… it happened to somebody else.”
How much did you pay for that mixer?
About a hundred bucks.
A hundred bucks?! You can buy a vacuum cleaner for a hundred bucks!
Yeah, but we didn’t need a vacuum cleaner. Besides the mixer came with a lot of extra stuff, funnels and beakers and so on.
What do you need those for if you vacuum the house?
The dog kept on having sex with my knee.
My husband, your uncle, was so mad at me, he locked himself in the upstairs bathroom for an entire week.
Really? How did he survive?
He ate the toothpaste.
At least he had enough to drink.
I turned off the mains, and that forced him come out.