Effective strategy to trap women.

Spending some quality time at one of my favorite bistros “Fromagerie La Flamme.” Inspirational: the proprietor has put up a  stand with shopping bags (which to me look like very crude straw contraptions), and I swear: in the last 30 minutes at least 30 women have picked up these bags and one went ahead and bought two! Fellas, if you are are looking for a spouse: put a chair with a couple of straw bags in front of your apartment – all you have to do is wait and hey presto: within minutes you’ll have a marriage candidate. It’s more effective than any of these “internet” dating platforms.

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Happy Independence Day & Fourth Of July – Yankee Doodle America – Special #BookOffer #SpecialDeal #Promo

Only for the week of Independence Day: Clemens P. Suter eBooks from $2.99 for just $0.99. @Smashwords.

Enter the Smashwords store, order the books below, enter the code and download the eBooks to your device: and enjoy great rebates, it is as simple as that.

  • Fields of Fire – Use Code KP48X  
  • Two Journeys – Use Code ZT72Y
  • Celeterra – Use Code DM68Z 

These adventure novels never fail to entertain, well-written fiction that can’t be put down. Great books for a rainy day, to pack in your vacation suitcase or to read on the plane. Comments left by readers at Amazon: “Short message to Roland Emmerich and Quentin Tarantino: this is the story for your next film”   “An excellent title and a worthy read”   “Good reading”

Father and I went down to camp
Along with Captain Gooding
And there we saw the men and boys
As thick as hasty pudding.

Yankee doodle, keep it up
Yankee doodle dandy
Mind the music and the step
And with the girls be handy.

There was Captain Washington
Upon a slapping stallion
A-giving orders to his men
I guess there was a million.

And then the feathers on his hat
They looked so’ tarnal fin-a
I wanted pockily to get
To give to my Jemima.

Old Glory- the Star Springled Banner

Flag of the United States of America

www.clemenssuter.com

My aunt Denise and her conversations from the edge.

My aunt Denise: “Listen. Listen! Something absolutely weird happened to me! Oh wait. That wasn’t me… it happened to somebody else.”

********

How much did you pay for that kitchen machine?

About a hundred bucks.

A hundred bucks?! You can buy a vacuum cleaner for a hundred bucks!

Yeah, but we didn’t need a vacuum cleaner. Besides it comes with a lot of extra stuff, funnels and beakers and so on.

What do you need those for if you vacuum the house?

Well uh….yes

*********

My dog keeps on having sex with my knees.

**********

My husband, your uncle, was so mad at me, he locked himself in the upstairs bathroom for an entire week.

Really?! What did he eat?

Toothpaste I guess.

At least he had enough to drink.

Ah yes. I turned off the mains, and then he had to come out.

Why was he mad at you?

I forgot.

***********

 

 

 

For the sake of the environment.

International business travelers and tourists will know the sign below: for the protection of the environment we ask you to use your towel more once.

Doubtful whether this is  driven by worries about the environment. Isn’t the true motivation something completely different? Shouldn’t the text read:

”Hello, this is to inform you that we do not care at all about the environment. What we do care about is our profit margin. Washing your dirty towel costs money. But we cannot put that on a sign, now can we, arf arf arf? We are betting that you DO worry about the environment more than we do, and that you will take this message seriously and that you are fully prepared to dry yourself with a dirty towel for the next four days of your stay. Or longer. Oh yes. And Thank YOU.”

Now, that would be in refreshing statement!

Or how about this?  “We do not think that it matters at all whether we clean one towel more – the environment is screwed up as it is. You get a clean towel every day whether you want it or not.  No use hiding your dirty towel in your suitcase; we will find it, as we rummage through it’s contents during our daily “security” check. Stop whining and suck it up.”

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Quiz time! Can you guess which famous leader used to live here? He must be turning in his grave.

Today a Chinese restaurant (“Peking Duck”), but once upon a time a very infamous man had his residence and offices behind these doors. Can you guess who? Ten points for the right answer to this quiz; five points for the most original reply. Read the answer below.

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The truth behind the duck:  Mr. Mengling Tang from China is the owner of a Chinese eatery in the Voßstraße in Berlin, exactly on the spot of the entry to Adolf Hitler’s “Neue Reichskanzlei” – the new chancellery. The building didn’t survive the ravages of war, within a few years after completion, the home of the brutal, weirdly mustachioed dictator was destroyed by allied bombs. Dear Adolf probably wouldn’t have clenched his little fists with pleasure, if he would have known about the repurposing of the site where his ugly government building (designed by his favorite architect Albert Speer) once stood. But then again, Maybes he is, in purgatory.

Top Tip to find Betelgeuse. Turn right on your way from Monoceros to Alzirr.

Always wondered how to find Betelgeuse?  The picture below will elucidate the location of this gigantic star.

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Betelgeuse is also called α Orionis. Betelgeuse is the true name, from the Arab yad al-ǧauzā, the hand of the giantess, and is a star in the Constellation Orion, sometimes also referred to as the shoulder star of Orion.

Why is Betelgeuse intriguing?

Betelgeuse is a giant star and is classified as a red super-giant. It has about a thousand times the diameter of our sun and has about ten thousand times as much luminosity, as a result of which Betelgeuse can easily be seen in the night sky, as it is the tenth brightest star. This star is of great astronomical interest. Its radius was the first to be determined by interferometry and it varies by about 15%. As a result, also Betelgeuse’s brightness varies a factor between +0.3 and + 0.6. This is one of the very few stars that are visible from Earth as a surface, not just a point in the sky. Most likely this star is an amazing 500 light years away!

More newspudding articles here: https://clemenssuter.com/?s=newspudding

In the opinion of astronomers, Betelgeuze will end up as a supernova. Opinions vary when this event will take place: It could happen within the next thousand or one hundred thousand years. The resulting supernova will be easily visible and will shine over the entire firmament. With a red giant of this type you can expect a 16,000-fold increase in the luminosity. This supernova could reach the brightness of the full moon. Luckily enough, the axis of rotation of the star does not point towards the Earth, and the gamma-ray flash would not be so strong that it would affect the Earth’s biosphere. Now, THAT would be a post-apocalyptic experience ! The remnant of this supernova is expected to be a neutron star based on the mass of 20 solar masses.

Top 4 Ways to Support my Pledge Drive / Fundraiser – Making the World a Better Place

Help to improve our planet! Join the May 2018 Pledge Drive ! This is your chance to get engaged – with very little effort. Those of you that follow my blog will know of my past fundraisers, which have been quite successful, as these results show !

Over-population of our planet is a big issue. For that reason I have chosen an interesting charity to donate money to: Overpopulation Awareness. Overpopulation is a major cause of most of the world’s problems. Whether it is a question of food shortage, lack of drinking water or energy shortages, every country in the world is affected by it – or will be. Join me in supporting this very exciting organization.

How does the Pledge Drive / fundraiser work?

Option 1. Buy one of my (a) paperbacks or (b) ebooks (info here). I will double the royalties of all my book sales in the month of May, 2018 and I will donate that sum to the charity above. For instance, just click here to get my eBooks on your Apple device.

Option 2. Retweet this pinned tweet on my Twitter account. For each retweet (one per person) of that pinned tweet within the month of May, I will donate €1. At no cost to you!

Option 3. Buy any of my paintings in the month of May (use the contact button above to reach me). I will double the amount paid by you for my painting, and I will donate that total sum.

Option 4. Follow my Facebook page.  For each new follower (above the current count of 560), I will donate 5€.

Within two months after close of the fundraiser, I will add up all the royalties across all channels and options, and donate it by direct bank order to the charity – just like I have done in the past (example). Did you know: through these fundraisers, I have donated literally hundreds of euros to select charities.

Spread the word with help of the buttons below. This is your chance to get prime books and paintingsand to make the world a little better!

Important small print: a maximum of 500€ will be donated.

Support today

Raising Funds to Slow Down Population Growth.